scarlet
by Ferrum
Summary: queen of highland's pov. can't help it when saw opening suikogaiden


scarlet

**scarlet**

all copyrights belong to (c) konami/2001. i don't own suikoden II, and i don't make any profit from this fic. but i do own the plot, so please don't steal it.

_exhausted,_ she never thought this day would come. She peeked the man beside her with the corner of her intense green eyes. Deep inside her heart, she had to admit that the center red flesh of her body had fell to him, she had fell in love with him, with his deep blue eyes that could drown her to the deepest sea, and the smooth dirty blond hair that she wanted to keep her hands on...

"hhh---" she sighed, tried to release the sharp thorns that thrusted her, but she failed, they were still there...

"why are you sighing?" His deep voice asked.

"Maybe I am just exhausted. I apologize." She lied, a beautiful lie behind her beautiful vocal and beautiful lips.

He didn't move from his seat, right there, at the castle's balcony, the castle of the shining Highland capital, L'Renouille. "We still have other ceremonies after the blessings, can you make it?"

She nodded, her sight aimed at the people of Highland, who were watching them from the castle's court, and her body pretended to focus on the Highland's high priest's blessings, but she herself wasn't there, at the place she had to be... she was at another place, where doubts, nervousness and unhappiness didn't hug her. "Yes, I am very sorry."

He smiled... _maybe not a smile, a smile's not like that, he was only raising his always-horizontal-lipline_. "Just tell me when you can't make it." He said.

"Yes, I will." She answered, with her heavy heart and her anxious feelings.

***

"You're doing that again..."

"What?" She raised her head, almost too fast... She *was* floating again in her sub-consciousness, just when he suddenly interrupted her, and he caught her right there, in her minds.

"Sighing. Are you alright?"

"No--- I mean yes!" She blushed, she always did that whenever she met his eyes straight, even now, when she had married him. She tried to hide that with pretending to fix her well-arranged-hair.

"You didn't seem to pay attention to the people."

They were sitting in the castle's hall, where the banquet was held. People were dancing elegantly, the hall was filled with classical music, blue-blooded people came and congratulated them for the marriage and all... _blech, typical thing to see... they make me bored... _"My apology, I just do not feel alright." She lied again, the second, no, third, she didn't know how many lies she had made that day.

"Do you want to go back to your room?"

"Maybe I can stand just for this night." She put an assuring smile on her pale face. _Our marriage, my marriage, at least... I think so._ "Just for this night." She repeated with half of her voice.

Then, the silent atmosphere covered the couple. Her husband chatted with one or two persons she recognized, she greeted them with her most-stunning-fake-smile, as usual, the main thing was, keep herself at her husband's side, and her duty was fulfilled. _Yeah, this things always happenning at marriage, don't feel sorry for yourself._

Felt herself drowned again to her innerself, she stared absent-mindedly to the glittering people who danced gracefully in the hall, above the well-polished marmers that reflected their bodies. Her imagination started to fly without her notices, to the place without soldiers, servants, weapon, and war... far from the castle, to the teenage girl's dream... to the place she never reached.

"Care to dance?" His voice stopped her imagination to keep going again, his touch on her shoulder made her surprised.

"Yes, I'd like to." She answered, praying in her heart that he hadn't felt her backed away from him for a while.

They moved at the center of the hall, people retreated from their places and gave the newly husband and wife their paths, they even moved back so the couple could dance in a wide free space.

The music played and they danced then, gracefully, people stared at them in amusement, whispered, and took jealous glances at them. They were doing what most people dreamt on, to find the love, soulmates, becoming king and queen, and lived happily ever after...

_That's a fairytale... Reality is meaner than you think..._

***

_She keeps herself distant, faraway from this place, from this *happiness*... I even doubt that she's seeing me right now... My dear wife, you have the most insuring fake smile..._

***

_Oh Lord... _She had forgotten the most important thing for a newly married couple... And now she was dumbfounded, standing at the glorious royal chamber, at her chamber, at _their_ chamber, and the past-princess-now-was-known-as-queen had to face--- _My first night_...

"Why are you standing there? Aren't you exhausted from today's ceremonies?"

"Y---Yes---" She said nervously. She *was* exhausted, and she wanted so bad to go to her bed and sleep... _and sleep. _She gulped.

"Are you alright?" He stopped in front of her, and put his warm hand on her forhead. "You're cold?"

"Uh--- it's just the night air. Maybe the wind from the outside..." She lied again, for the _Lord-does-know-how-many_ times at this day. From the first time when she oathed to be his wife for the rest of her life, until the last lie about her fear.

"The windows are closed." He stated with a horizontal tone.

"uuh?"

"Are you avoiding me?"

She wasstucked there, she couldn't make another lie, another sin to The One she believed on, to the man she fell in love to. What could she do now? _What Am I supposed to say_ _now? Oh... dear my husband sorry, but you don't love me, you love my name... No!_

"I take that as a yes."

"No!"

He questioned, at least, his azure eyes were full of questions, and doubt about her. "I don't know how many times you told lies to me this day."

"Jowy..."

"Jillia, please. I won't be mad at you." He held both her shoulders assuringly. "If you don't want me here, I could sleep in another chamber."

_This thing wasn't suppose to happen on a newly couple's first night..._ But she didn't say anything to stop him. She didn't move a single muscle when her newly husband walked away from their room, she didn't do anything to prevent him from leaving her. Her gaze was straight to his back when he closed the door, didn't even look back to see the face of his _goddamned_ newly wife, didn't see a single tear that came from the corner of her green eyes.

***

_Things are going quite the same before I'm married... I'm still learning history, piano, and that damned etiquette lesson! I'm still going to tea parties for *spoiled* rich girls, even though I'm married... My husband didn't complain anything about my activities... I even doubt he knows what my activities are!_

_Then, he came to me..._

"Am I disturbing you, Jillia?" A voice that she missed so much asked after a few knocks on the wooden door of her chamber. Jillia jumped from her chair, her mind hopped from the book she read before.

The door cracked open, revealing her husband, _that's what everyone thinks about_, still with his calm blue eyes as usual, and following him from behind was a child, a brown haired girl, in pastel pink, hiding behind the legs of the one she was falling in love with.

"Pilika, please, don't be shy." He smiled to her. A smile, a true smile, the same first smile when she saw him for the first time, the smile of the man she had her heart on. But that didn't belong to her, that belonged to the little girl... "I'm sorry for bothering you, Jillia."

She was astonished at his smile _for her_ for a while. "No. What's the matter?" She kneeled to match the length of her eyes with the girl who had his husband's smile. "Where does this princess come from?"

His husband chuckled and raised the little girl with his strong arms and brought her to his embrace. "Her name is Pilika. Pilika, this is my wife---" Her heartbeat stopped for a while, stunned with his peaceful blue eyes that glance at hers. "Jillia Blight."

"And this princess is..." She regained her composure, and placed her true smile because of her husband's, felt the warmth of her husband, and she knew she had to thank the little girl.

The girl didn't answer, she nervously stared at the king, who raised his eyebrow. After a few seconds, she replied quetly. "Pi...lika..."

"Princess Pilika!" She clapped both her hands, and made a curtsy with her long skirt. "Jillia Blight, at your service."

***

_Maybe I had to thank Pilika. This child brought a part of me that I've lost, my husband. My husband told me that she lost her family at the slaughtering in Toto, the one that my brother made... My husband also told me how he met Pilika, and how her life since then. At least my husband told me something about a part of his life, the one that I couldn't touch..._

_Pilika, made a new point of view for me. For the first time in my life, I want to have a child, I want a girl that I can teach on, can share the experience of my life with, a child that I wanted to love... with my husband... But I think I can wait... For this time, I have Pilika..._

"Pilika!" She shouted. She had lost her, she knew she couldn't leave a child alone at a big castle. What if she had her feet on the place she shouldn't be, like the soldiers' baracs, or _oh Lord, _the torturing dungeon. She couldn't imagine that, she would be angry at herself not to mention, her husband would be angry at herself.

"Pi---!"

"---queen jillia---"

She stopped when she realized her name mentioned. She stood there, and heard voices she recalled, the voices of what-she-had-called friends, or maybe her new thesaurus, _the spoiled rich girls._ She hated these verbs, but she couldn't help it, they were called peeking and over-hearing...

"She seems like she doesn't want to gather with us anymore."_ Who wants to gather with you._

"She seems... you know, different."_ I'm always like this, you're the ones who don't know me._

"She's playing with a child, what's her name again?"_ It's Pilika._

"It's too difficult to pronounce, don't mind it."_ Even a parrot can pronounce it clearly._

"Puh! She maybe doing it for king Jowy's sake, you know... the rumour..."_ Wh--- what?_

_What rumor?_ Her blood was boiled enough and then, there was this *rumour*?

"They haven't been intimate at all---"

"What?" The shrieks of the other girls made her blood went to the peak of her head.

"Maybe queen Jillia's doing all these things so she could get his sympathy---"

If she didn't control her emotions she would have called the guards and ordered to kill them, or killed them with her own hands before she called the guards. She was right behind their back and they were gossiping her, they made such... assumption about her. Even though she was a cool-hearted woman, she couldn't stand this...

"What are you doing here?" A voice silenced the air, and the backs of the girls were know turned, and they saw the king stood right behind the red-faced queen, their jaws dropped.

"King Jowy! Queen Jillia!"

_Did he hear?_ She didn't budge an inch.

"We mean--- uh--- we are---"

"I know what you're doing." He closed both his eyes. "I feel humiliated, disgraced... I never thought high-educationed women of Highland could do something like that in front of the faces of their king and queen."

"We know---"

"I know you know that." He sighed... "get out of this castle."

"Excuse me---?"

"I SAID GET OUT FROM THIS CASTLE!" Hearing his mad voice, the jumped and instantly ran away from their king and queen, without saying a word, leaving the two majesties in complete still.

She was ducking her head, as if her emotions wouldn't came out if she kept on doing that...

"Are you---"

"I, I am fine." Her vibrating voice answered. "I am looking for Pilika, I can't find her anywhere, I have to---"

Her voice was halted by intense hands, hugging her waist from behind, she felt his breath behind her ears. "Are you sure?"

Her breaths stuck at her lungs, no, she couldn't believe what was happening... she pushed her husband aside. "Yes." She fought the tears that now were flowing over the green forest of her eyes. "I''m sorry--- m'lord...I, I have to find Pilika."

"Jillia---"

She didn't realize, by showing her eyes in front of his deep sea eyes, she have lost herself. _Lord, now he's seeing me in pity..._ "I have to g---"

"Jillia!" He caught her wrist before she could run.

"No, m'lord..." She coughed the stream of tears from her eyes. "Let me go..."

"Jillia!"

"Jowy! Let me go!"

"Damnit, Jillia! I'm your husband!" He shouted at her ears, made her stopp because of fear.

"No, Jowy--- your status is my husband..." She choked her feelings out from her throat, choked the things that were stuck at her thorat all along. "It's not the same husband I have in mind when I was a girl, it's not the same goddamnit husband word I've been thinking when I first thought of my marriage! Now, let me go! Jowy!"

"Jillia----"

"Yes, Jowy! You're surprised! A well-manered princess like me could pronounce cussings! Yes, I'm a human, Jowy! And I have faults and dreams too!!!" She raised her head abruptly and forced her wet green eyes to met with her husband's blue ones. "I have dreams! I was a teenager, I dreamed that I could find a man that loves me with all his heart, whom I could love with all my heart, where we can share our feelings and problems, who can take me far away from this goddamned place, who doesn't care about my status, so we can make a family, I dreamed using his family name and I could give up this goddamned *Blight* name, then I could give birth to his children! "She took a deep breath. "With you, I don't even feel the truth of my first kiss! I know you're marrying me so you can have the throne! I knew that all along! But I can't say anything since I love you!" She challenged his surprised eyes. "I'm not a spoiled brat! I'm not a robot-princess! Jowy, I have dreams too--- please, please, please, let me go!!!" She shrieked, tried to pull her wrists from his hands.

But he gripped on her wrists tighter, she could even feel that her bones were about to crack, then she felt his lips pressed to hers, her wrists freed, and his hands moved to the back of his waist, pushing her deeper to his embace, making her melt inside his warm cuddle. And she felt... so right if she kissed him back.

"I won't let you go, Jillia...," he said between kisses. "Yes, I know--- just for having this title, this status... But, I fell in love with you, I just want to make you happy. Jillia, let me fulfil your dreams... at least..." He then trailed his kisses down to her neck and shoulders, and he rest his forehead at her shoulder. "I love you, Jillia, with all of my heart... Maybe I'm not in the right place, but I can take you faraway from here, I can make a family with you---" he chuckled, tightening his embrace, "you can give birth to my children... Jillia, I won't let you go."

_He loves me... _She smiled. "You can only make promises."

"You think so?" He raised his head, and looked her straihgt to the eyes. "So, let's finish this *never been intimate* thing first, shall we?"

She laughed. "Pervert."

***

_Well, maybe things *does* go well....... at least for a while... I've no need to tell you how I spend my first night with my dear husband. I know for sure, he made the happiest woman at that time..._

_The way he cuddled me, kissed me, and brought me to the closest heaven on earth. I've never thought that he could make me feel like this. I became one with my husband, sharing our feelings, hearts, and loves..._

"Jowy?" She said, moving herself closer to his lovingly embrace, _warmer than the blanket itself_.

"Huh?" He answered lazily, rubbing his hand at the back of her bare back.

"Can we take Pilika as... I mean..."

He kissed her forehead. "I know. I was just about to ask you the same thing.

*Fin*

Inspiration: suikogaiden vol1 opening, but I haven't finished episode 2.


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